"Will we see you guys in the playrooms later?" Ahh, the dreaded question, the one we always seem to hear when we are at lifestyle events. It's flattering, don't get us wrong: Everyone wants to feel desired by other people, and being asked if we may make an appearance in the playrooms is definitely a sign that sexual interest exists. So why is it, then, that we don't love being asked that question? We'll explain in this post, as well as how we deal with the question when asked.
I'll preface this post by saying that we don't judge others who love being in the playrooms during the early morning hours of a swingers' event. In theory, we totally get the sexy energy that is flying around in the playroom environment. Just imagine it: Being surrounded by sex-fueled couples and singles, hearing or even potentially watching as naughty people congregate and enjoy each others' bodies. It's the perfect place for exhibitionists, voyeurs, and the sexually adventorous to combine forces for mutual pleasure. We also don't agree with or appreciate the stereotypical view of playrooms as being dirty and grimy. From our experience, playrooms are typically spotless and well maintained by staff at events. So all that being said, what's our issue?
It's absolutely a mental one. We talk often on our podcast about the importance of a mental connection for us. It's near impossible for us to be turned on or want to get naked with people that we don't genuinely like and respect. We also like this mental connection to carry through to our playtime. The best swinging adventures for us have been the ones where we are with another couple, and all four of us are joking around together, laughing in between naughty sex acts. While we understand it's not impossible to have that same connection in public playrooms, it seems much more complicated.
In addition, we are both incredibly ADD. If you throw too many stimuli into the mix, the chances of Brian getting/staying hard and Brenna getting wet are slim to none. We like to be able to focus on the people we are with, the sexy energy floating around between the four of us, and the pleasure we are giving and receiving. When surrounded by others, the atmosphere becomes distracting to us rather than sexy.
Our decision to not join in on the playroom fun has been questioned a lot at lifestyle events. We've heard things like, "Don't worry guys, you'll get there. You'll become more comfortable with the idea the more you go to these big events." We then have to explain that it's not about discomfort, and no, it won't change with time. We were once even asked, "What's the point of coming to this event if you aren't going to hook up in the playrooms?" These statements remind us that everyone has their own priorities in the lifestyle, and not everyone has to understand our personal journey.
I suppose this post is about much more than just playing or not playing in the playrooms: It's about a greater understanding of the swingers community as a whole. We choose experiences and situations that we know will elevate our play and our eventual intimacy with each other. Playrooms don't provide that for us, so we bypass them. We use lifestyle events as networking opportunities, chances to meet new people, get a feel for them as people, and then invite them to our private room for private time if the mood strikes. We do this, because it makes sense for us.
In other words, friends, do what feels good for you and your partner. If playrooms aren't your thing, avoid them. If they totally turn you on and could lead to some very steamy fun, seek them out. Do what is right for you, and don't allow what is "normal" in the lifestyle to dictate how you choose to play. When you consider this idea, it's kind of ironic: The lifestyle is outside of what society as a whole views as "normal," yet we place these concepts of what is "normal" upon those participating in it. Where's the sense in that? Food for thought as you go into your week!