An unfortunate reality of the swinging lifestyle: Not everyone is as they seem. Sometimes this misrepresentation is mild, like lying about their age by a year or two, or using photos from 5 years ago. Other times, though, it can be much more sinister. Today, we'll outline some of the most prevalent red flags to watch for when cruising the lifestyle sites, so you can focus on the fun!
Red Flag #1: A Bare Naked Profile
This is by far the most obvious red flag: They have no bio, no photos, and no real information of any kind. You've spent hours putting together a thoughtful bio and picking out the most flattering and fantastic photos to showcase who you are as a person and/or couple. These people can't even be bothered to throw up a sentence or two? What gives?
There are only two reasons in our opinion why someone would leave their bio completely empty. The first potential reason is that they are lurkers. They aren't actually interested in being in the swinging lifestyle, at least not right now. The second potential reason is because they are fraudulent in some way. We often see this from married men who are on the sight, pretending to be single men, without permission to play. They're afraid that if they put up too much information, someone who knows them and their partner will see and rat them out. Therefore, it's far safer to put all of their pics behind a privacy wall, or only send them out to people they are 100% sure don't know them in the "outside world." Either way, when you see a completely blank profile, we say run!
Red Flag #2: Magazine Quality Images
Ok, so this one might be a little more controversial, but I'm going to say it anyway. Are there couples in the lifestyle in which one of them is a professional photographer? Absolutely. Is this the norm? Absolutely not. If every single one of their images looks like it's fresh out of a professional publication, be leery if nothing else.
From our personal experience, another one to watch for is only images of them at one of the lifestyle resorts, like Desire. While it's totally fine to show off those professional photos from a gorgeous location, having nothing but those photos typically means that they are trying to hide something. After all, those pictures include top-notch hair and makeup, and are often air brushed to the nth degree. We want to see the real deal, what people will look like when they actually show up on the date with us.
An example: Back in Montana (before moving to Vegas), we began correspondence with a couple who had about 30 pictures of them on their profile, all of which were clearly from a professional shoot done at one of the lifestyle resorts. They listed themselves as 50 years old, and their included photos supported that. They looked fantastic! Fast forward to us meeting them, and they were clearly 10-15 years older than they looked in their pictures and claimed to be. While we don't care about age and would have happily played with people in their 60's, we felt a bit bamboozled and didn't appreciate the perceived deception. We would so much rather have seen recent, unedited photos prior to meeting them.
Red Flag #3: Incredibly Vague Bios
In the About Me section, they have things like, "We're open to many possibilities," or "We enjoy meeting new people." When asked to describe what they're looking for, they say things like, "Fun, down to earth people." Yeah...ok....and?
Once again, I have two theories for why folks have such vague wording in their bios: Either they are brand new to this space and don't understand yet what they want (which is fine, as long as they also mention that), or they're totally full of it. We had friends recently who sent us just such a bio. They started chatting with a couple despite their less than stellar descriptions, and made plans twice to meet them. Both times, the couple didn't show. Our friends reached out to ask us why we thought this had happened, and my response was pretty simple: "They aren't who you think they are." This was supported by additional correspondence our friends told us about, including being incredibly secretive about which area of town they were in and what level of experience they had in the lifestyle.
If you're constantly questioning who a couple is and what they want based off their bio and subsequent communication with you, there's a reason for it. Don't ignore it.
Red Flag #4: "Join Me Here"
You see this one most often with single ladies. And again, I will say, this does not apply to every single woman in the lifestyle, but as a rule of thumb: If the profile seems too good to be true, it probably is. If the woman is model gorgeous with a perfect bio and reaches out to you so damn excited to get to know you, be careful of the intentions.
I see this one a lot on the BDSM site I'm on. Absolutely stunning women will post things like, "I'm feeling really lonely and just want a sexy man or couple to keep me company." Yeah, sure you do. For any sad saps who actually reach out expecting genuine interest and connection, they instead find a request to join a site, watch their live cam, etc.
Couples do this kind of crazy shit too though. A very convincing one recently reached out to Brian asking him to be their third. The woman was stunning, and they seemed genuinely interested in getting to know him. They even set up a date and time to meet, picked out a place that we aren't far from, the whole shebang! Day of their meeting, the lady reaches out to say she can't make it, but would love for Brian to join her on one of her modeling sites instead....
So how do you avoid this? As mentioned, if something seems too good to be true, it very likely is. So trust that gut instinct. In addition, if you're on a site that allows for verifications (like Kasidie for instance), pay attention to those verifications. If a couple has been on a site for years and has no other couples or individuals willing to vouch for them being real and who they claim to be, that's a red flag. Also look to see who their friends are. If it's a bunch of thirsty-looking single men, I would question why that is. Just do a little more digging and don't allow yourself to fall prey to those looking to take advantage.
We sincerely hope this helps you to look at profiles and bios with a more discerning eye. While we all want to see the best in others and don't want to believe that people have the intention to screw us over, it happens. Lifestylers especially can be easy targets if they are overly hungry for the fun and willing to look past the warning signs slapping them in the face. In addition, may we suggest a lifestyle site that we know from experience has a ton of real folks on it? Try out Kasidie.com free for 30 days by using this link: <a href="https://www.kasidie.com/?referredby=FrontPorchSwingers">Kasidie.com</a>