First published in the June of 2020 edition of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.
The winter of 2017: I found myself frustrated beyond belief with the “dating scene” in my small mountain community. Every guy was the same: Horrible facial hair, ski pants (even in the bars) in the winters and cargo shorts dirty from the hiking trail in the summers. Plus, after months of exploring in the world of BDSM, I had a new hunger that I knew needed to be fed. Tinder wasn’t going to cut it, and I was so over the meaningless conversations with vanilla men about the best place to grab a beer in town.
My frustrations led me to a “girls’ night in”, confiding in a girlfriend about needing more from my dating life. After half a bottle of wine, and with her encouragement, I took to Craigslist Casual Encounters (RIP). My ad read something to the effect of this: “No more status quo. I need more. Looking for a mature man experienced in the world of BDSM to explore a D/s dynamic. 20-something woman looking for ongoing fun but not a serious relationship. Please reach out with a thoughtful message and a face pic, plus include your favorite restaurant in the subject line to weed out spam.”
This likely will not shock you, but I received no less than 200 responses to that ad. Most were crass or even downright disgusting. Some were obviously written as a joke, a way to mock all that was Craigslist hookup ads. But Brian’s was different. He wrote back an eloquent message, explaining his past experience in BDSM, his current interests, and yes, he even followed my instructions of including his favorite restaurant in the subject (although one we both now agree is not awesome). He was brand new to town, having moved for a new job all the way from Texas. And I knew from that message, I absolutely had to meet this guy…
Flash forward to a couple of weeks later: Our first date. We had been chatting digitally, and I was beyond excited to see if the chemistry existed in person as well. Brian asked me to meet him at his place of work, a prominent building in our downtown area. I remember vividly seeing him from across the lobby, wearing a charcoal gray sweater and a black peacoat. His blue eyes hit me like a brick wall, and I knew immediately that if nothing else, the physical attraction was strong. Coffee led to drinks, which led to dinner, which led to “tea.” Brian offered to make me a hot cup of tea back at his place, and well, the rest is history. I still joke to this day that he lured me with the promise of a hot beverage on a cold evening, knowing full well that his hands would be all over me by the end of it.
I think it’s important to note that both Brian and I had agreed from the beginning that our relationship would and should be a casual one. After all, he was brand new to town and settling into a demanding new job, and I was in my “exploring” phase, not sure I wanted to settle down. That worked out very well for a few weeks, with the majority of interactions being BDSM scenes and sexy time spent at his place. It was evident pretty quickly, however, that we wanted and needed more from each other. It’s fair to say that I fell hard for Brian, finding myself missing him while we were apart during the day and relishing in our time together in the evenings. I had never really experienced this before, always appreciating my alone-time and seeking out opportunities for it in every past relationship. With Brian, even a few hours without speaking or a day without touching made me feel downhearted.
Hence, a full-fledged relationship. And constant opportunities to share with each other. Our amazing sexual connection fueled thousands of conversations about wants, needs, desires, fantasies, taboos, and everything in between. I trusted him completely, always knowing that anything I shared with him would be met with either, “Wow, that’s hot as hell!” or “Interesting, tell me more!” It wasn’t long before the topic of nonmonogamy came up, in a way neither of us were expecting.
I will never forget the details of that night. I could practically paint the scene for you, because I had this strange feeling that it would be an important milestone in our relationship. It was late, and we had been making love for hours. We had showered in between scenes and were cuddling in bed, taking the break as an opportunity for some sexy talk. I asked Brian, “Is there anything we haven’t done that you are eager to experience with me?” Brian was deep in thought, staring off, when I finally blurted out, “Because I think it would be so hot to see you have sex with another woman.” The look on Brian’s face was the perfect mix of surprise and intrigue. He finally responded, “Well that’s interesting, because I also think it would be really hot to see you with another guy!”
In true Brenna and Brian fashion, ten days later, I came home from work to quite the surprise: Before I had even closed the door behind me to the apartment, Brian shouted, “Put on that sexy dress you know I love. We are going to meet someone for coffee tonight!” I knew immediately what he meant: He had found a single guy for me to meet and potentially play with. I fixed my hair and makeup with a hurried and anxious energy, knowing very well that I wanted this both for myself and for Brian. We walked to the coffee shop, only a few blocks from home, and found ourselves a table. Brian told me to sit across from him so the gentleman (Cooper, as we later refer to him on our podcast) could sit next to me. “Brian, I don’t want to sit next to him, you sit by me!” Brian laughed and responded, “If you can’t sit next to the guy, how the hell do you expect to fuck him?” He had a point….
The meeting with Cooper went splendidly. He was an Adonis of a man: Tall, well-dressed, perfect hair, and perfect teeth. He was also a total gentleman and a great conversationalist. Brian stepped out at one point to take a phone call, and Cooper almost immediately asked if he could touch me. I don’t think I could say Yes fast enough. It was obvious that I wanted this man’s hands anywhere and everywhere as soon as possible. So when Brian returned to the table, I provided him with “the look,” something we had agreed I would do if I was interested.
Cooper drove to our building as we walked home, and what ensued is still to this day one of the hottest experiences of either of our lives: Brian watched as I engaged with this gorgeous man, totally unsure if what I was doing made sense. All I knew was that looking over at Brian while another man engaged with me was turning me on like crazy!
After that first experience, we never looked back. We both agreed that this was exactly what we were looking for and saw it as a way to connect with each other in ways we didn’t even know were possible before beginning our non-monogamous journey. All of a sudden, even more so than before, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other! We were having sex around the clock, texting each other dirty ideas of what we wanted to do next, and sharing even more fantasies with each other. We quickly began corresponding with couples online, mostly out of my deep desire to see Brian with another woman. That happened soon after I was first with Cooper. And as much as we enjoyed our couple play, it became very evident that hotwifing, me playing solo with other men either while Brian watched or completely separate from him, was what brought us both the most sexual gratification.
It was shortly thereafter that we would discuss writing a blog. We had fallen in love with the non-monogamous lifestyle and what it was doing for our relationship, and we were eager to share that newfound passion in some way. I set up a blog page, wrote out a few things, and was excited about pushing it out into the world. We were sitting at a coffee shop a few nights after the page went live, and Brian said, “I think we should do a podcast instead.” I must have looked at him like he had three heads: “We know nothing about podcasting!” “Yeah, we’ll figure it out,” he responded.
And figure it out, we did! Front Porch Swingers, our weekly show, was born of that coffee shop conversation. We took a crash course on podcast hosting, editing, social media marketing, and everything in between. We recorded our first few episodes, knowing that we wanted our show to be different from the other lifestyle podcasts I had been binging on for weeks: We wanted to share our real-life adventures. No sugar coating, no glossy topics, just honest and raw discussions between the two of us about our non-monogamous lives. We honestly never expected it to turn into anything, but of course, thanks to our amazing listeners, it absolutely has.
The podcast has also delivered an amazing by-product for us both: We are now acutely aware of how much we love what we do. Receiving emails from listeners saying things like, “You guys encouraged me to be honest with my partner about my desires for the first time,” is beyond rewarding and has shown us that our work matters. It has inspired us to create resources for lifestylers on several platforms, including our YouTube channel, ASN Lifestyle Magazine, and our Lifestyle Resources page on our website. Much of what we do is geared toward showing others how beautiful this lifestyle can be, and how gratifying it is to seek out your own form of sexual liberation. And we aren’t stopping here! Forging ahead, we have big plans for the second half of 2020 and into 2021, all with the aim of inspiring others to have sex on their own terms.
It’s so funny to look back on our lives before finding each other. I personally grew up in a rural, conservative community, not understanding until my relationship with Brian just how much sexual power I wield. Even though Brian has lived a longer and more sexually explorative life, I know he shares that sentiment with me, finally being able to express himself fully to a partner that supports him in any and all sexual adventures. We have created a beautiful life together, and one that we are so fortunate to be able to share with listeners of our podcast. If there’s one message we can leave you with, one that we earnestly try to live by every single day, it’s this: Life is so short. So why not have some naked fun!
Brenna and Brian are the hosts of a weekly lifestyle podcast called Front Porch Swingers, where they share their real-life adventures in swinging and hotwifing. They are also the coaches behind Sex on Your Terms, where they focus on providing the groundwork for both couples and singles looking to enter the world of non-monogamy. Their podcast is available on all major podcast platforms, and information on their other projects and resources can be found at https://frontporchswingers.com.