When I go on a hotwife date, I doll myself up to the max! I spend hours shaving every inch of myself, exfoliating, moisturizing my entire body, ensuring my hair and makeup are perfect, and selecting an amazingly sexy piece of lingerie that I will share with whomever I'm enjoying that evening. To me, effort is important in hotwifing. It shows my play partners that I wanted to be impressive to them, and that I care. It's my way of saying, "I was really excited for this date, and I wanted to be as sexy for you as possible."
A few nights back, I had a revelation. Earlier in the day, I had told my partner, Brian, that I wanted to make time for sex that night. We hadn't partaken in a couple of days, because I wasn't feeling awesome. As the night went on, we cuddled and kissed on the couch before retiring to the bedroom. I had on an old t-shirt I sometimes throw on when lounging at the house, my glasses, and a very messy bun. And as I walked in the bedroom toward my extremely sexy man, it hit me: "Why the hell am I dressing up for other men, but not for the only man that truly matters?"
You hear it all the time in vanilla relationships: Someone stops trying, someone stops putting in the effort, and the relationship suffers greatly as a result. Most often it's associated with one partner not making the effort for sex period. But I realized, what I was doing wasn't all that different. Here I was, standing in front of someone I love more than words, who knows my body in ways nobody else ever has, and who makes me orgasm harder than I even thought possible. And I couldn't even change out of my ratty t-shirt to put on a piece of lingerie? I had stopped putting in the effort. And it instantly made me sad.
Now to be clear, Brian has never complained. He loves our sex life, and when I mentioned this revelation to him, he kind of laughed it off and said it doesn't bother him. But I think even he was missing the point. It's not about whether something bothers him or not. It's about going above and beyond for the most important person in my world. Like he does for me when he gets up EVERY SINGLE MORNING to make my coffee before my feet even touch the floor for the day. Like he does when he opens EVERY SINGLE door for me, including the car door. I'm not joking, he never has me open my own door! He shows up big for me, makes me feel so special and appreciated, and here I am providing other men more effort than him.
This isn't some sad post. It's simply a statement, and something I'm very dedicated to changing now that I understand it. I'm not going to stop dolling myself up for hotwife dates. But I am going to treat my sexual experiences with my partner as if they were hotwife dates. He has earned the bombshell experience more than anyone!
It's so funny to me that being in the non-monogamous lifestyle has made our relationship feel invincible against all of the other issues most couples face. We have amazing communication, we have sex very regularly, we aren't jealous or controlling, and we allow each other to have autonomy. And because of all of that, I sometimes have felt lulled into a false sense of security. Or rather, I have been lulled into a sense of comfortability that resulted in me not showing up enough for the man of my dreams. I stopped putting in the effort. And I'm so glad I realized it so I can start being the sex kitten my man deserves.