Updated: Nov 25, 2019
To some it may seem that Brian and I are making fun of single guys during "Single Guy Tip of the Week" a segment on our podcast, Front Porch Swingers, where we provide Do's and Don'ts for single men interested in being in the lifestyle. The truth is, we earnestly want more men to understand how to navigate the hotwife world: Brian wants me to have more legitimate options for play, and I want to be treated with respect while corresponding with these men, all in the hopes that I will indeed get laid! So now that we have that little disclaimer out of the way....
It has always bothered me personally that single men are treated so differently in the lifestyle. From paying far higher prices to get in to lifestyle events to being outright refused entry, as a hotwife couple, that does us a disservice. This post will examine some of the reasons we feel single men should be more seriously integrated into the swinging world, and how it can benefit all of us to do so.
Single Men are RARELY The Ones Acting Without Consent
From our personal experience as well as from speaking to MANY lifestyle couples on this subject, it seems that single men touching without asking is rarely an issue at lifestyle events and parties. I personally have been groped without my consent twice at lifestyle events, and both times were by women attending with their male partners. The first time was aggregious, in my opinion: The woman saw my feather tattoo peeking out from the top of my cocktail dress and took it upon herself to yank my dress down, expose my tit, and grab it. I was so shocked, I didn't even know what to say!
Once again based on anecdotal information, the stories we've heard from other lifestyle couples seem to fall in line with this: Many have told us of other women grabbing them, kissing them, trying to drag them off somewhere, all without consent to do so. And yet, one of the arguments I hear from people in the lifestyle about why single men shouldn't be allowed to come to lifestyle events is because they are known to act without consent. If that's the argument we're using, let's just cut couples out too! Apparently the female halves of many couples feel it's ok to touch without asking and therefore should not be allowed to attend events!
Are There Really Too Many Single Men in the Lifestyle?
This is the other argument we so often hear about single men attending lifestyle events: Well, there are just so many of them, so we either need to eliminate the possibility that any of them can come, or we need to have really high ticket prices to ensure that just the serious guys come (something else I'll touch on very soon). I would argue that yes, there are a plethora of single guys who WANT to be in attendance of lifestyle events. But how many are actually showing up? We recently heard from a Twitter follower that said they hosted a mix and mingle event for couples and some single men. Over a dozen single guys were invited, but only 3 showed. To some, this may seem like a problem: Once again, single guys aren't serious, and therefore they aren't showing up even when invited to the party! I would argue something else entirely....
Real lifestylers show up. If a single man is serious about participating in the lifestyle, he makes the effort to be there when he is provided with a seat at the swinging table. This tells me that 9 or more single guys were not serious about being in the lifestyle. And that's ok! Couples are often the same way: We also heard from someone who throws lifestyle events on the East coast that said they recently did a newbie night. 28 couples RSVP'd, but only 14 actually showed up. That means that 14 couples were ready to dip their toe in, and were excited by the opportunity presented by this lifestyle group. The other 14 weren't serious yet. And once again, that's ok! I would so much rather be surrounded by serious people who give a shit about the lifestyle than folks (singles and couples alike) that aren't sure they even want to be there.
I think there are ways to weed out the single guys that aren't serious. One method I've proposed in the past and stick to is lifestyle clubs and promoters requiring ALL ATTENDEES to jump through a hoop or two when it comes to learning about the club or organization's rules. For instance, if a club has a membership program, newcomers must complete a 30 minute presentation on the rules of consent for the club (probably helpful anyway, as many that are new to the lifestyle have no idea what to do in play rooms). Requiring this time commitment, be it small, would very likely get rid of some of the ass holes only there to get their rocks off and would leave the club or organization with single guys who earnestly want to be positive parts of the lifestyle community. PLUS, when someone then touches without permission, there is no excuse. Nobody can say, "Oh, I had no idea pulling her dress down and grabbing her tit was a no-no!" Just saying...
The "Single Guy Tax" Doesn't Work
Alright, my final point on this subject is this: Clubs and organizations in the lifestyle believe that charging single men a premium for event entry weeds out the gross guys or those that aren't serious about the lifestyle. I would argue something else entirely. From my perspective, a single guy willing to pay far more to get into a lifestyle event then feels he has earned some level of entitlement. After all, do you honestly expect him to pay 5 times what a couple pays and NOT get laid? (Of course, I say this sarcastically, certainly not how I feel.)
Just because a man pays crazy prices to get into an event does not mean he's not a scum bag. It just means he has some extra cash and is willing to use it. And the proof is in the pudding: We've attended lifestyle events were men were charged FAR more to attend, and they were still creepers (listen to our most recent podcast on Denver for additional proof). There are other, better ways to ensure that the men in attendance are the right fit for your party or club. One method I've proposed is having a referral program for single men. For instance, a couple can recommend membership for a single man as their way of saying, "We've met him, and he's legit."
Listen, I don't have all the answers here. But I do know there must be better ways to ensure that quality single men are invited to the party. As a hotwife, I want that, and I seek out organizations that help to provide that for me. I want to go to lifestyle events and flirt and dance with sexy single guys. And if that option is denied to me because other couples in attendance or the organization itself do not approve of the existence of single men in the lifestyle, that's hugely unfair.
And on a side note, huge shout-out to Catie and Tim with Energy Underground. They are throwing the Lifestyle Summit in Deadwood in April of 2020 and NOT charging single men a premium to attend! I think that is so progressive of them, and I salute what they are doing to change the stigma single men have in the lifestyle. If you want to check out their awesome event for yourself, head on over to https://www.energyundergroundnd.com/summit for details! Plus if you decide to attend (we certainly will be) you can use our promo code, FPS2020 for 10% off!