As a passionate hotwife couple, we love when single men succeed in the lifestyle. So we thought we’d throw some tips out there today for one of the most difficult places for single men to truly succeed: Lifestyle clubs and events! Let’s be real, the lifestyle event scene is not overly friendly to single men. Some straight up eliminate single guys from the equation, while others price gouge them as a means of ensuring the place isn’t swimming with them (or so they'll tell you). These practices perpetuate a certain treatment of single men by the event-goers as well. Many couples have told us over time, for instance, that if a single man approaches them at an event, they will straight up ignore them to “prove a point.” So single men, just know the deck is stacked against you….But that doesn’t mean you can’t be successful with the right dress, the right attitude, and the right approach! Many couples are eager to interact with the guys who really get it...
This is a big one, and by far the easiest to control. It may be superficial, but the way you should up looking to an event will definitely determine the way others see you and therefore, interact with you. Of course, you should always check with the club or event host to see if they have a specific dress code. If there is a theme for the event, you CAN participate, but I don’t recommend it. Here’s why: Trust me when I tell you, you will stand out in a very good way if you dress better than the average. Right or wrong, my eye is always drawn to best-dressed man in the room.
A few options to consider: If you have a well-tailored suit, consider throwing it on. You might be the only one there wearing a suit, and that’s totally fine. In fact, I personally think it screams confidence, which is sexy as hell! Brian is typically the only guy wearing a suit when we go to events, and you would be shocked by the number of both men and women that approach him to compliment him on it. This gives him the chance to introduce himself and start a conversation should he be inclined to do so. If you don’t own a suit, consider a nice pair of slacks and a button-down shirt. Ensure all items are well ironed before leaving, and free of any pet hair or lint. Even if it is not stated in the dress code, don’t wear open-toed shoes or sneakers. Opt for a comfortable pair of dress shoes that match your belt, should you be wearing one.
Another tip here: If you aren’t exactly the fashionable type, check out Pinterest boards! Typing in something like, “Date night outfits for men,” will yield a lot of options you can then use as your template when you go out shopping or searching in your own closet. Another way to gain ideas would be to hop into a store like Zara or Macy's and see their mannequin designs. They do a good job typically of creating fashion-forward looks you might not think of yourself.
In addition to the attire, be very cognizant of your overall hygiene. Ensure you are freshly showered and shaven, hair is brushed, teeth are brushed and flossed, etc. (This should all go without saying, but the number of guys that have approached me with bad breath or crazy hair at an event is astounding). In addition, be careful with the cologne or body spray you choose (if you wear any). Many are sensitive to strong scents and will avoid interacting with you if you smell like you just sampled 12 different colognes at a department store. My advice is to skip the cologne altogether, but if you are going to wear one, apply it conservatively and choose something that’s not overly musky or spicy.
Carrying Yourself Well
So you’ve taken the necessary steps to make sure you look fresh as hell. Now what?
Honestly, it’s all about the attitude. Many single men will be intimidated walking in to this type of environment. They will stick to themselves or only find other single guys to chat with. While it’s totally understandable to be nervous, know that if you are cowering in a corner or not making eye contact, you’re going to struggle. Give yourself the pep talk ahead of time and commit to presenting yourself in a confident manner.
When you walk in, find a place where you can easily strike up a conversation. Not too close to the music, somewhere you can easily introduce yourself, ask questions, and show interest. I always recommend finding the bar or libations area furthest from the booming speakers, but close enough that it’s not completely empty. When you see someone near you that you might be interested in chatting with, flash a smile! And here’s the most important piece of advice I can give you: Read the cues! If you smile at someone, and they immediately divert eye contact or position their body away from you, that’s their way of saying they aren’t interested. Move on to someone else. If they smile back and/or maintain eye contact, that’s your sign that they’re open to you (respectfully) approaching them!
The Right Approach
Allow me to preface this section by saying, everyone has a slightly different opinion on how they want to be approached at an event by a single man. This is simply my personal experience and opinion.
So you’ve read the cues, you notice that someone you’re flirting with from a distance seems to be flirting right back. Now, it’s time to approach! Brian and I agree that we prefer when the man approaches him first. To us, it’s a sign of respect, plus it gives Brian the option to say “no thanks” if he can tell quickly that it’s not a good fit for me. A good opener would be a firm hand shake, a simple introduction, and a compliment for the lady (assuming that is who you are interested in). “Hey, I’m (insert name). I noticed you guys from across the room, especially the lady on your arm. Would you be ok with me introducing myself to her too?” It’s quick, to the point, and lets your interests be known without coming across as pushy or creepy.
Assuming the male half gives the go-ahead, the next step is to respectfully approach the lady. Again, introduce yourself, and drum up a conversation. I always recommend, especially if you’re nervous or afraid that you’ll clam up in this scenario, to have a few a few go-to questions you can ask to get the discussion started. For instance, “Are you guys from the area, or did you travel in for the event?” Easy, nothing overly serious or deep. If the conversation is flowing, she’s smiling, and you can sense interest after a few benign questions, consider asking what their play style looks like. (This is important to gauge compatibility. If you are someone that is only interested in solo play, for instance, you’ll want to discover fairly quickly whether they play like that or not). Something as simple as, “May I ask what you guys are hoping to find tonight, if anything?” Again, it’s respectful, it puts the ball in her court, and you come across as someone who can communicate effectively.
One of the most important things I can recommend to you on this topic is this: Let the couple lead. I don’t say this because I believe the couple should have all the power. I say it because far too many creepy single men have ruined it for the great guys. Don’t come across as pushy. Allow her (or them) to initiate a conversation about play. If she’s feeling it, they’ll ask. If shes’ not, they won’t. It’s truly that simple. By being the aggressor, especially if it’s done too early in a conversation, you’ll easily come across as someone that’s not safe for her to play with. So once you’ve laid the ground work, enjoy the ride and see where it takes you!
Again, please take all of this with a grain of salt. I don’t pretend to have all the answers. It’s a complicated space and process that has a million different paths to success. This is simply what has worked with me when interacting with single men in an event or club environment. I sincerely hope this helps you prepare for success the next time you’re looking for some hotwife fun!