Swinger Stereotypes, Part 2


We received a ton of great feedback from the first round of Swinger Stereotypes, and thank you to those that reached out with suggestions for the next edition! Without further ado....Here are some of the "types" of swingers you might encounter in the swinging lifestyle. (Again please note, this is meant for entertainment purposes and is not meant to offend).


The "Kinkster" Swingers

These swingers are the ones that bust out their BDSM equipment the second they arrive at an event. An event that is clearly not a BDSM theme or night, either. They walk in the door, immediately strip down to their leathers, and start pulling out their 300 gizmos and gadgets. They'll often ask the host things like, "Where can we set up our aftercare space?" or "I'm going to need a wide berth for my flogging demonstration. Where would you like my St. Andrew's Cross?"


Now let me say this: Both from us being kinksters ourselves, and from interacting with a lot of swingers who also participate in kink, you have to give credit where credit is due. These kinksters are the most conscientious ever with regards to consent. They are ALWAYS asking permission to touch, play, even flirt. When it becomes strange? We were once at a swingers event and ran into a woman wearing this gorgeous red leather outfit. I (Brenna) said to her, "Wow, what an awesome piece you have on! I bet it must weigh a ton!" She snapped back at me, "I don't speak to others without permission from my master!" Uh.....ok.....


The "Steering Wheel Couple"

We've alllll run into these people. The wife is a total smoke show, and her pictures are plastered all over the couple's online profiles. 127 different images of her in all different pieces of lingerie, or nothing at all, different sexually suggestive photos, knowing damn well you will like what you see. But a picture of the husband? Nowhere in sight...


These are often the same people that will say things like, "My husband doesn't have any pics on here, because his job is super high-profile. So you won't be seeing him until you meet us in person." And in the off-chance you're new enough to not know better, and you go to meet them, the husband looks like that infamous mug shot of Nick Nolte. She shows up in a gorgeous dress, stiletto pumps, hair and makeup perfectly done. He shows up looking like he rolled out of bed and threw on the nearest dirty shirt 5 minutes before the date....


These are often the same couples that will use the hot wife as bait at events. The couple will split up, the lady will post up somewhere by herself and start chatting up other unsuspecting couples. She'll flirt, twirl her hair, show off that bod, and get the couple on the hook! Just as she's about to seal the deal, she'll call her significantly-less attractive husband over to introduce them. Then the couple is left wondering: Is it worth it? She's so hot, maybe it doesn't matter that he's so not! Not a joke, we've seen this dog and pony show dozens of times!


The "Porn Production" Couple

The digital communication and first date will be great. They will seem just like any other normal couple, and you'll absolutely want to hook up with them. But as soon as clothes start coming off....things get weird..... They'll whip out their 4-piece light kit and ring light to boot, start setting up 2 different tripods, and ask you to adjust your angle so the camera can get a better shot. They are ready to produce a full-on porno with you, whether you like it or not!


Worse yet, one of the partners will start dictating pace, like an actual porn producer! "Honey, hang your head a little more off the bed, so I can see your face under his balls!" "No, if you kneel right there, I'll only see the back of your head!" Pretty soon, you're wondering where the hell these photos and videos will be going, and all the eroticism is zapped out of the room.


The "Always Busy" Couple

You connect online, and they seem very interested in meeting. But actually following through with the meeting? Good f***ing luck! They are booked up through the next 5 months with an array of different dates, events, and travel plans. They might be able to squeeze you in 4 Thursdays from now, but they're only available from 6 pm to 8 pm, before they head to the hotel takeover (apparently happening on a Thursday) they already had scheduled.


We've learned to steer away from this couple, mostly because even if a first meeting does somehow miraculously work out, getting them to nail down time for actual play is nearly impossible. They'll say things like, "Yeah, no idea when we're available again, but we'd love for you guys to meet us 4 hours away at the big event we're going to next month!" It's never quite obvious if they're really that busy, or if they're just not interested and not adult enough to say so.


Let me know if you guys are interested in a Part 3, and keep those suggestions coming!

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