After back to back hotwife parties last week as well as numerous events over the years, a very interesting revelation was had. Tact matters. Especially when
we're talking about single men interacting with couples. Allow me to share a few examples to illustrate my point.
At an event we went to several months ago, there was one single gentleman hitting it out of the park with a couple. He was devastatingly handsome, dressed in a perfectly pressed shirt and slacks, and seemed to be truly wowing the couple with his conversational skills. The wife kept leaning toward him, flashing him flirty smiles, and making it clear she was down. The single gentleman, after so much success, just had to stick his foot in his mouth... "So, are we going to fuck, or do you want to just stand around talking more?" Face palm. Hard.
This will shock nobody, but the couple immediately got uncomfortable. She started stepping back slowly from him, diverting her gaze, and her husband looked like someone had punched him in the stomach. With one sentence, and a complete lack of tact, he had ruined an hour's worth of rapport. Now, that's an extreme example. But it happens more often than you'd think!
Another example: I was recently talking to a gentleman on Kasidie (a lifestyle site for connecting and learning about events, for those not familiar). Similarly to the previous example, he was really winning me over at first. He made it clear quickly that he was witty and intelligent, he had the most gorgeous brown eyes, and he drew me in quickly. A couple of days before we were supposed to meet, he reached out. The following conversation is verbatim:
Him: So, what happens after we go for a drink?
Me: If things go well and you're interested, I would likely invite you back for some fun.
Him: Likely?
Me: Yes, I never promise anything. Even if we hit it off, I may be tired or be able to sense that my man is not interested in me partaking that evening. So I always play it by ear.
Him: Well, that's unfortunate, because I'm incredibly horny for you.
It was crude, yes. But it also completely lacked tact. Yes, dude. We all know why we're meeting. I'm always horny. But declaring your sexual appetite during a digital conversation, especially when zero naughty conversations had been had prior, is off-putting. I tried to explain this to him and salvage the situation, but he was offended by my saying he completely lacked tact. Sorry, I call it like I see it!
Tact is important in the lifestyle, because it shows restraint and self-control. I understand that the men I'm interacting with are looking for sex. It goes without saying. When someone blurts out something like that, I immediately assume it's because they don't understand the impact that level of forwardness can have on someone else. And I question if they are going to have the same lack of control over their desires and emotions in the bedroom.
Let's be real, it comes down to safety. As a woman, I unfortunately have to be concerned about a man respecting my boundaries and being able to pick up on cues. If someone is unable to do so even with clothes on, I immediately have to assume it will become even worse when clothes come off. Fair or unfair, women are in a constant state of distrust, until they aren't. And men have to show they are someone a woman can feel safe with. Both of the above examples show times when a man couldn't stop himself from blurting out the things he wanted. And it feels dangerous.
I explained that to a younger man that recently came to one of our events, and it was like a light bulb went off in his head. "I had never thought of it that way before. But I've also never worried about a woman taking advantage of me before," he remarked. And to clarify, this was not a man who exhibited a lack of tact. We were discussing his success rate online, and how he doesn't know how to transition from friendly banter to something more sexy. My advice to him was simple: Let the ladies lead. Pay a compliment, let interest be known, then step back. As a hotwife who loves playing with single men, I appreciate someone who can communicate their interest in me in a tactful and respectful way, and then leave the ball in my court. I earnestly believe that if more men did that, they would quickly build trust with ladies and have significantly higher success rates. So remember when you reach out or interact with your next hotwife (or any woman, really), that tact matters.