For those familiar with our podcast, Front Porch Swingers, you know our bread and butter in the non-monogamous lifestyle is hotwifing. Brian, my amazing partner, is eager to "share" me with other men, only to come home to him and be re-claimed. This type of play has added such an intensity and level of fun to our sex life, but it's been about much more than that for me personally. Today, I'd like to share 5 important lessons I have learned about myself and the world around me thanks to my hotwife experiences!
#1: You Won't Be Everyone's Cup of Tea
And that's ok! I used to take it so personally when I would be chatting with a single guy, and they would reveal after seeing a certain photo or video of me that they weren't interested. The reasons (when given) ran the gamut: I had too much meat on my bones. They prefer blondes. They like taller women. They simply don't find me attractive. It felt very shallow to me, until I realized I was doing the exact same thing! I would write in ads things like, "Only interested in men over the age of 40, " or "Unkept men with unkept beards need not apply!" I like what I like, and single guys are allowed that freedom of choice as well!
It was actually quite freeing when I learned to not care if someone was attracted to me or not. I started saying things in ads like, "A thick lady with a big booty, so if you enjoy a little meat, I think you'll be pleased." This let guys know out of the gate that if they are looking for a Barbie look-alike, I won't be a great match for them. Now, is this to say that I think it's ok to judge someone based solely on their appearance? Absolutely not! I've also worked hard to give guys a chance that I normally wouldn't find uber attractive, and often, it's those guys I have the most fun with! I do feel that we need to stop being so damn image-conscious in this lifestyle, but it's not something that will change over night. So in the meantime, I and other hotwives need to seek out the men that will appreciate them exactly as they are!
#2: It's Important to Find Guys Who Get It
There are two very different types of single guys in this lifestyle: Horn dogs who want their cocks touched, and respectful guys that want to create connections. Now, if you just want a night of fun getting touched and touching, maybe the former type of single guy isn't a bad option. For me personally, the connection and ability to discover true chemistry with a guy is what leads to incredibly hot sex. So I do everything I can to steer clear of the horn dogs. I don't accept unsolicited dick pics, I don't engage with guys that start talking about sex on the first correspondence, and I rarely put myself in a position for a one-off quickie.
Even more importantly though, hotwifing has taught me to keep away from guys who don't value me. Looking back on dating as a single woman, I definitely spent more time than I'm proud to admit dating guys who valued my body over my intellect. Being in an incredibly healthy relationship with an amazing man who values me on all levels, coupled with finding bulls who do the same, has shown me how important it is to surround myself with people that respect me on a very high level. Now, I won't accept anything less, and that's a pretty great feeling.
#3: I Have an Insane Amount of Sexual Power
Through my coaching services as a sex coach, I speak with a lot of women who mirror how I used to feel about myself as a sexual being. They say things like, "Maybe I'm just too sexual," or, "It's not normal for me to feel so sexually charged all the time." I feel this so deeply every single time I hear it. For the first 27 years of my life, I felt the exact same way. I remember distinctly thinking I needed to seek out professional help on multiple occasions, simply because I felt my sex drive was too high. I felt so much shame after I would masturbate, thinking to myself, "Do you really need to do that every single day?"
Hotwifing has completely changed that view for me. Now, I am with a man who celebrates my sex drive and helps me to harness it in ways I never knew possible. When I'm with another man, and he appreciates the intensity I bring to the bedroom, it makes me feel proud rather than shameful: Proud that I can express myself in such a powerful and sexy way. I now understand that my sexual side is simply one element of myself that should be embraced, just like every other element of my personality and chemical makeup.
#4: I Really Do Love Myself!
I've talked a lot recently about my journey with body image. My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years, and it absolutely took a toll on my self-confidence. Recently, I've really embraced my curves on a different level and have felt more comfortable than ever being nude around other people. In fact, I'm now excited at the idea of showing off my body to someone else and getting their reaction! Huge win! But loving myself has been about a lot more than just feeling comfortable nude.
Through my adventures in hotwifing, I have made lifelong friends that appreciate me for all sorts of different reasons. I have kinky friends that appreciate my strong communication skills and ability to express my boundaries respectfully. I have play partners that love lying in bed with me after play to discuss the latest sex research out there. I have people that come to me for advice on all sorts of different topics, like sex toys and relationship advice. I have so many people in my life that appreciate my knowledge of the world around me, reinforcing that I am an intelligent and worthy individual.
Now more than ever, I like the person I am, and I've surrounded myself with people who appreciate my qualities as well. Of course, it's amazing to have a partner that appreciates you, but to have a group of people that choose to be around you, both sexually and otherwise, is pretty damn special.
For real-life stories of hotwifing and the learning lessons we garner from our adventures, check out our podcast, Front Porch Swingers, available at https://frontporchswingers.com or any podcasting app!