If you've been in the swinging lifestyle for any real length of time, you'll know exactly what I'm referring to when I say, "The Swingers Funk." It's a real phenomenon, in which a bad interaction, bad date, etc. leaves you wondering if the lifestyle is right for you. I found myself in that situation recently. Brian and I were planning a trip to Denver to participate in a docuseries about alternative relationships. Part of the filming was to include a hotwife date (nothing sexual, just meeting for a drink). I communicated with MANY men before narrowing down the field to two gentlemen, both of whom seemed very excited about the possibility of meeting us. Note: I purposefully communicated with TWO guys instead of one, because as an experienced hotwife, I know the odds of at least one of them flaking on us are high.
So, we go to Denver, and we are filming all weekend long. Sunday evening was supposed to be the day we met with one or potentially both of these gentlemen. Sunday at 6 am, the first one flakes. Totally ok, he gave us plenty of notice, was very respectful and honest with us, and we understood that the situation was not for everyone. But THEN, an hour before we are supposed to meet the second guy, he stops returning my kik messages. I knew immediately he was preparing to also flake....
It's Never About the Other Guy....
Any hotwife will tell you, a hotwife date is never about the other guy, at least not in terms of the end result. It's about the reconnection with your significant other. That's why I was so disappointed by the Denver experience. And to be clear, it was not JUST that two single guys flaked on us. It was much more than that. I had been dealing with some health concerns as well, making swinging in general more of a burden than a joy (the first time we've ever experienced that, and a subject for a future blog post). So these guys cancelling felt like a huge missed opportunity to bring the spice home to my man for the first time in weeks. It left me feeling defeated to some degree, and wondering if maybe I just needed a little break to get my head on straight again.
So that's exactly what we did. We took a whole 3 weeks (which is a lot of time in our slutty world) where we didn't play, we didn't communicate with anyone new, and we didn't follow up on any past leads for new play partners. And honestly, it was exactly what the doctor ordered. Soon, instead of feeling myself in a swingers funk, I found myself growing more and more eager to return to play, to experience hot new things with my man. Our break from the lifestyle, as short as it may seem to some, was what helped us cleanse ourselves of being stood up, health shit, and all the other non-sexy stuff we had encountered in the month or two leading up to our "Swingers Funk." So our advice? If you find yourselves at a point where the lifestyle seems like more work than fun, take a break! And make that break last as long as you need it to. I truly believe that if the lifestyle is meant to be for you and your partner, you'll both find yourselves missing it again quickly.