As people who primarily play separately from one another, we are often asked one simple question: "Why?"
And as a result, we've been thinking and talking a lot about why hall passes make more sense for us personally. This post will examine our thoughts on separate room play, as well as provide the opposing view from listeners and friends that prefer to play with their partner in the room.
Why Is Separate Play So Damn HOT! (For Us, Anyway)
If I (Brenna) could design a perfect scenario for Brian playing with someone else, it would be him in another woman's home, on her bed, enjoying himself fully while I sit at home and wait in anticipation. I might run a hot bubble bath, sip on a glass of wine, masturbate, who knows? I would think about him coming back home with her scent on him, driving me crazy (in the sexiest way possible). The point of this fantasy scenario is that I am unaware of what Brian is up to. I am forced to sit home and draw a naughty picture in my head, having no way of knowing if I'm right or not until he arrives back home to tell me all about it.
Brian has agreed that the anticipation, and the excitement of "not knowing" is what fuels him. It's like an energy bank, being filled up by his naughty imagination running wild. By the time I get back home to him, that energy bank is full and ready to be used on me to its full extent! And what results is some of the most passionate and satisfying sex either one of us has had in our lives!
I'll provide one of the most telling examples: I was in Miami for a work trip, several plane rides away from Brian in Montana. I had been chatting with this awesome and VERY attractive couple for a few days leading up to my trip, and I had been sharing all of the details with Brian. I could tell by the look in his eyes that the idea of a husband and wife sharing me sexually was driving him crazy. I met them in Miami, we had drinks and a light dinner, and we eventually ended up in my hotel room for a sexy night of fun. I called Brian the moment the couple left my room, telling him only vague details but making it obvious that both the husband and wife had their hands and mouths all over me that evening...
The tone in Brian's voice as he responded to my details was intoxicating. I knew he wanted me badly, and we both knew he would need to wait almost 24 hours until he could have his way with me. The anticipation was killing us both, in the best way possible. I even found myself thinking of where I could masturbate at the thought of it after checking out of my hotel room the next day! When I arrived home, even after traveling all day and being beyond exhausted, I knew I had to be used hard by my man before bed. And trust me when I tell you, that's exactly what happened!
This isn't to say that we haven't enjoyed a few threesomes in our time. We have had AMAZING experiences with both single men and single women. But it's a very different type of "hot" in my opinion. There is little anticipation, because everyone is right there, seeing everything for themselves. Brian once told me, after a threesome with one of my single guy playmates, that it almost felt like a competition for him, something that fueled him to grab me harder, fuck me harder, etc. So, that's a wonderful byproduct of a threesome situation. But where's the mystery? Where's the energy bank for later?
The Opposing View...
We have several friends that are hotwife couples that exclusively play in the same room. They either engage in threesome activities, or the hubby will chill on a chair or couch while watching his lovely lady engage. I had a great conversation with one of these hotwife husbands recently, and the insights he provided were quite interesting. I asked, "Why do you have to be in the room for it to be hot for you?" His response: "I don't watch porn. This is my porn. Watching the woman I love have sex is the height of sexual experiences for me." And that's when it all made sense. This particular gentleman isn't looking to create this explosive time together AFTER his wife is with someone else; He sees the interaction with another man as the explosion, and that's what gets him off. When you think about it like that, it's pretty fucking cool!
A hotwife once told me that she and her partner see threesomes as a way to bond. They don't want to be apart during sexual experiences, because this is their hobby they share together. She related it to taking up golfing with your partner as a way to spend fun time together, but then choosing to golf on separate courses. His presence, in whatever form it takes, makes her feel emotionally closer to him, and she's not willing to give that up.
I've always maintained that the thing I enjoy most about the lifestyle community is that there is a dynamic and way to do it that makes sense for everyone. I also think this particular discussion is an important one for newbie hotwife couples or those considering tipping their toes in: There is no right or wrong way to participate in this lifestyle, and finding what works for you and your partner may take some time. Be willing to have some meaningful conversations with your partner about what you hope to gain from your sexual experiences with others. If it's not hitting the spot (metaphorically speaking), be open to trying it a different way in order to find your own personal sexual Nirvana!